Welcome to the Eileen's Memory Land.

Friday, March 16, 2007

I lost someone that's very very dear to me on 12.03.07 @ 4.35pm... My beloved granny, one that I loved with all of my heart. One whom I grown up with under her care... Life is so vulnerable... I just visit her on Sunday cos mummy called and tell me that she haven been eating for almost a week so ask me to buy Glucose for her.. Text Rong and ask her if she wanna go along.. She readily agree too.. When we reached we saw granny so weak... The way she is breathing is like using all the energy she has.. Pain me to see her like that.. Don't wanna drink don't wanna eat then where to get the energy.. Usually when she see a bunch of us there she'll chat and talk to us but Sunday it was so different.. She just lying down on the sofa and sleep.. Mummy, 5th Auntie and me went off at 8+ when granny is fast asleep... That very night I told QF that granny look very sick and ask her to visit her soon.. Just as she planned to go aft she knock off on Monday granny just couldn't wait and we lost her at 4+... The GP came and pronounced granny dead... I just cannot accept it... After a while, they moved granny to the room and cover her with blanket.. Mummy tell us to talk good things to her.. cos she will be able to listen to us and once the coffin is sealed we wont be able to see her again...

Next morning, reach uncle place at 9+ am cos the coffin need to be seal before 12.. I sat next to granny, taking a last close look at her and touching her.. It is such a heart ache.. All I could do was cry cry and cry.. Uncle tell me to say nice thing to granny but I cant say a thing cos it is just too painful... We went down to the void deck to receive the coffin and do some prayers then went up to the house to do another round of prayers and they start to change my granny clothes.... after which, we walked down the stairs together with my uncles, aunties and cousins .We took a last look at granny before the coffin is sealed up.... That's the last time I see her..

Can i not accept the fact that she's gone? I love her so much to let her go.. I cannot bear to see her leave us... My wish was for her to live till a ripe age of 100... I don't want.. I don't want... Give me back my granny.. There are still so much we wanna say to her so much we wanna do for her.. No one witness her death except Mummy, 3rd Uncle and AhNa... When most of us reaches there she is already lying down on the sofa no longer with any heartbeat.. My tears roll down when I see her lying there.. When we were still kids I rem we always like to touch and play with her hair then she will scold and beat our hands.. Granny spend alot of time on her hair every morning when she wake up... She will hang a mirror on the window then start to comb and tidy up her hair then wake my sis and me up when she stay at my house...

The funeral lasted for a week.. No time and mood to update my blog as the few cousins stayed there late every night and on some days we stayed till morning then go home... It is tiring but it is worth it.. When she is still around she dote on us so much and now that she is gone that is the only thing we can do for her... Siting down beside the coffin and burning the joss paper is something so saddening.. Luckily there is always 2 person burning together.. If not i think i would cry like don know what le..

Sunday was the day of the funeral.. It is time to send granny off... Just before we left to go to the cemetery there was a ritual and a small performance for my granny.. That was one of her favourite when she's around.. After which we follow the priest to walk around her coffin.. While walking some of us cried.. I don't know why until that day I still cant accept that she's gone.. I cried.. Very badly.. Walk from my uncle house till the street after sun plaza and took the bus to the cemetery and its time to bury her coffin... All was done and we took the bus back.. 1 week just past like that.. She is old already... She lived for 94 years and have a 5 generation family.. Alot of them says she is very xin fu le.. Although my granny is gone but she'll be kept close in my heart.

Wherever she is now I know she will be well taken care of...
God pls bless her & take good care of her...
Lastly, Mah.. I love you and you'll live in my heart forever and ever...

1:53 PM

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If you love some one because you think that he or she is really gorgeous ... then it's not love .. it's ~ Infatuation ~......

If you love some one because you think that you shouldn't leave him because others think that you shouldn't ... then it's not love.. it's ~ compromise ~.......

If you love some one because you think that you cannot live with out his touch .... then it's not love .. it's ~lust~......

If you love some one because you have been kissed by him ... then it's not love.. it's ~ inferiority complex~......

If you love some one because you cannot leave him thinking that it would hurt his feelings .. then it's not love .. it's ~charity~....

If you love some one because you share every thing with him ... then it's not love... it's ~friendship~...

but if you feel the pain of the other person more than him even when he is stable and you cry for him ... that's ~LOVE~

if you get attracted to there people but stay with him without any regrets... that's ~LOVE~

If you let him go knowing that he has to go but he doesn't want to ... that's ~LOVE~